Despite the fact that A TON has changed since 1998 in terms of the internet and specifically online dating, I'm sure the same sorts of situations still exist in 2009. While we technically don't trust chatrooms anymore, they still exist and people use them in order to find people who share common interests whether they deal with sports, hobbies or even fetishes. I'm sure there is a site or a chatroom for just about anything where people find each other and spark these sorts of relationships.
I would like to think that dating in 2009 is just as fulfilling as it was in 1998. While yes, there are more means to meet people, I'm dating in 2009, not 1998 so I'm hopeful that our trends in society have stayed the same and that people are still getting similar things out of human relationships...no matter what kind they may be. In terms of relationships "doing better" if they were formed based on getting to know one another rather than being matched on a site like eHarmony, I don't think I can give a true, personal opinion. While I'm sure you all can tell I'm not in favor of online relationships, I don't think I can actually say that I can take a stance on the true feelings one experiences based on these sites that are done by matching like-interests. I can see how getting to know a person on your own could be appealing, but at the same time, these sites are just helping you to find a mate...not forcing you to marry someone who they suggest.....watch, I'll show up to our 20 year college reunion on the arm of my husband who I met on Jdate. Ridiculous.
The thing with getting to know a person on your own rather than being matched up on a site, is that it doesn't have to be done online. This is why I think that online dating is unnecessary. You can meet a person in real life and get to know them in real life rather than doing it all on the computer. In Alexis' account, I felt like she was meeting Craig and getting to know him not once, but TWICE. She met him online and got to know him through the internet, however when she met him in person in New York, she said things about him were unfamiliar that she would later learn are a part of who he is. Why go through all the trouble of reaffirming your feelings? By meeting people in real life, you get to know the FOR REAL, and not based on what they want you to know of them.
OOOOhhhhhhhhh man...what if one of them was lying about something. While yes, this was a "success" story, we are forgetting about the laundry list of those that were not. In my opinion, we hear about two circumstances....the one where the relationship works out and the couple can say "look at us we met online and now we're married with 3 kids and a golden retriever!!!" and then the circumstance where one of the contenders ends up being a serial murderer (or whatever criminal you would like to insert). But, we hardly hear about the circumstance where one of the people was either lying, or exaggerating or leaving an integral part out. It's not that he or she is a criminal...not at all....it's just that he or she led someone to believe that what was actually the truth, was not how he or she was portrayed. He or she convinces the other person to meet in real life in the hopes that when the truth is revealed, the other person will say...it's ok, I love you unconditionally, or, ok, lets try to make this work since we've invested so much time in each other. I like to think that humanity has more common sense than this. If either Alexis or Craig had been lying about some aspect about their lives, I'd hope that the other would just say.....peace out, it's been real!
Because Alexis chose to stay in and talk to Craig on her computer doesn't mean that she wasn't experiencing true love...I agree with you on that, Michelle. I just think that she was missing out on soooooooo much and had herself convinced that since she was doing so, it was love that was taking the place on the lost opportunities. I think in general, online dating aside, people like to use love as an excuse. That since they are in love, they would rather spend time with that person. But come on...at this age, do we really know what love is? and if we do...that's beyond awesome, but we have so many more years to be in love that it's just sort of a shame that that was her excuse to miss out on her first year of college.
Becca,
ReplyDeleteI like the new light that you put on cyber dating. Having to cyber date and then f2f date seems kinda silly, personally I would just meet the person online and then just attempt to meet f2f after I'm comfortable. The internet should be about screening people out and I believe that's what Alexis attempted to. On that same note I don't think she did it well. Considering it was her first time doing this online thing its understandable. I feel Alexis attempted to get to know Craig but it seemed almost like they were dating online and thought it would be easy when they met f2f. Fortunately for them it worked out but it was obvious there weren't certain things that they didn't know about each other which could have ended their relationship.
"In Alexis' account, I felt like she was meeting Craig and getting to know him not once, but TWICE. Why go through all the trouble of reaffirming your feelings? By meeting people in real life, you get to know the FOR REAL, and not based on what they want you to know of them."
ReplyDeleteI COMPLETELY AGREE BECCA. I didn't even think about the whole she had to re-get to know him twice. Because not everything translates from online life to real life so easily. The holding hands, the being intimate part, etc. And at first I didn't understand your usage of "love" as an excuse, but after thinking about it, I think you're right. Sure, maybe you were in love... but you're going to be 50 years old and look back at your "college" experience and find out you didn't do anything and you don't have any great college friends because of it.
That, I think was a big mistake on her part!
Becca, I disagree with you that dating online is "unecessary". Unfortunately, it's HARD finding the love of your life. The divorce rate is about 50% now, and I think that shows that f2f dating alone isn't necessarily working anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm not stamping on the system, and I'm sure there are thousands of people out there who were set up on blind dates, or met at the local Starbucks and lived happily ever after, the fact is that the typical dating scene doesn't always work for everyone. There are people who are incredibly introverted and shy who might never ask someone out just because they are petrified of f2f rejection. However, on an online dating site, that same person might be the "big man on campus," and he might find himself braver about asking women out.
I just think that there are many different kinds of people in the world today. Some feel uncomfortable dating the way their parents did; they don't do the "dinner and a movie" thing, but prefer to meet online where get rejected may not hurt quite as much. Online dating, while not for EVERYONE, is certainly useful for SOME people.
Obviously America agrees! Sites like Match.com and EHarmony.com are becoming more and more mainstream, and catching the attention of more and more singles. What do you guys think of these, and other online dating sites?