Speed Dating......

This is a bit off topic, but while I figured we are discussing alternate dating routes, what do you all think about speed dating? You've seen it in movies, and heard about it in books (perhaps), but do you think this system is effective? Can you really determine if you have chemistry with a person if you are only permitted to get to know them for maybe 5 minutes?

I guess this whole idea could go along with online dating. Speed dating is like getting a peak at a person and then deciding if it's worth going forward if you found a glimpse of something you liked. With online dating, you're getting a glimpse of the person based on how they present himself or herself off the bat, and it's up to you whether or not you want to "log in" again.

I think it's clear to all of you how I feel about online dating. I'm pretty skeptical, but at the same time, I'll give people the benefit of the doubt if I don't see any loopholes. I know, I know...it's probably not so fair for me to be this judgmental..but at the same time, I want all the facts before I make my honest assessment. But anyway, do you all think you can say that online dating is similar to speed dating? Which do you think is a more effective route to alternately meet someone??

cyber relationships.....again!

In response to your comments, I guess I'll go paragraph by paragraph.....

Despite the fact that A TON has changed since 1998 in terms of the internet and specifically online dating, I'm sure the same sorts of situations still exist in 2009. While we technically don't trust chatrooms anymore, they still exist and people use them in order to find people who share common interests whether they deal with sports, hobbies or even fetishes. I'm sure there is a site or a chatroom for just about anything where people find each other and spark these sorts of relationships.

I would like to think that dating in 2009 is just as fulfilling as it was in 1998. While yes, there are more means to meet people, I'm dating in 2009, not 1998 so I'm hopeful that our trends in society have stayed the same and that people are still getting similar things out of human relationships...no matter what kind they may be. In terms of relationships "doing better" if they were formed based on getting to know one another rather than being matched on a site like eHarmony, I don't think I can give a true, personal opinion. While I'm sure you all can tell I'm not in favor of online relationships, I don't think I can actually say that I can take a stance on the true feelings one experiences based on these sites that are done by matching like-interests. I can see how getting to know a person on your own could be appealing, but at the same time, these sites are just helping you to find a mate...not forcing you to marry someone who they suggest.....watch, I'll show up to our 20 year college reunion on the arm of my husband who I met on Jdate. Ridiculous.

The thing with getting to know a person on your own rather than being matched up on a site, is that it doesn't have to be done online. This is why I think that online dating is unnecessary. You can meet a person in real life and get to know them in real life rather than doing it all on the computer. In Alexis' account, I felt like she was meeting Craig and getting to know him not once, but TWICE. She met him online and got to know him through the internet, however when she met him in person in New York, she said things about him were unfamiliar that she would later learn are a part of who he is. Why go through all the trouble of reaffirming your feelings? By meeting people in real life, you get to know the FOR REAL, and not based on what they want you to know of them.

OOOOhhhhhhhhh man...what if one of them was lying about something. While yes, this was a "success" story, we are forgetting about the laundry list of those that were not. In my opinion, we hear about two circumstances....the one where the relationship works out and the couple can say "look at us we met online and now we're married with 3 kids and a golden retriever!!!" and then the circumstance where one of the contenders ends up being a serial murderer (or whatever criminal you would like to insert). But, we hardly hear about the circumstance where one of the people was either lying, or exaggerating or leaving an integral part out. It's not that he or she is a criminal...not at all....it's just that he or she led someone to believe that what was actually the truth, was not how he or she was portrayed. He or she convinces the other person to meet in real life in the hopes that when the truth is revealed, the other person will say...it's ok, I love you unconditionally, or, ok, lets try to make this work since we've invested so much time in each other. I like to think that humanity has more common sense than this. If either Alexis or Craig had been lying about some aspect about their lives, I'd hope that the other would just say.....peace out, it's been real!

Because Alexis chose to stay in and talk to Craig on her computer doesn't mean that she wasn't experiencing true love...I agree with you on that, Michelle. I just think that she was missing out on soooooooo much and had herself convinced that since she was doing so, it was love that was taking the place on the lost opportunities. I think in general, online dating aside, people like to use love as an excuse. That since they are in love, they would rather spend time with that person. But come on...at this age, do we really know what love is? and if we do...that's beyond awesome, but we have so many more years to be in love that it's just sort of a shame that that was her excuse to miss out on her first year of college.

Online Romances

I think Alexis' love for Craig is more of an infatuation. With the evolution of their online relationship, it seems as though she is practically addicted to talking to him and would rather spend her time on the computer rather than interacting with real people. This could be a stretch but I couldn't help but picture a fat kid sitting at his computer with a bag of Dorito's playing World of Warcraft. I know...I know, this is a love story and has nothing to do with online video games, but I couldn't help but picture the similarities between these two alternate worlds. I just think that Alexis was truly wasting a lot of time talking to Craig for hours upon hours every night when she was a college freshman! There are so many new people to meet and clubs to join and places to explore and she seemed to have missed out by logging onto her computer for all those hours talking to a guy 3 hours away whom she'd never met! She seems like she becomes dependent on her conversations with him because she couldn't find the intellectual material on campus that Craig could discuss with her. This I find to be absurd. Once again, I'd like to stress that she is a college freshman....there are worlds of opportunities at Lehigh for students to take advantage of in order to meet people who can discuss topics of shared interest. I think I'm allowed to say that as fact because I was once a freshman at Lehigh as well and know for fact that opportunities upon opportunities were thrown at me in order to pursue an ambition.

I think a lot of my problems with this whole thing stems from the fact that this takes place in 1998. It's not 2009 when there are websites like eHarmony, JDate, match.com, etc. Instead, Alexis met Craig in a chatroom where it's a lot easier to meet people with intentions completely separate from your own. And when I say separate intentions, I mean the ones you hear about on the news with killers and stalkers and such. At this point, in 1998, the internet hadn't evolved into what it is today, so the acceptability of an online relationship is hard for me to grasp.

In terms of the idea of "love" in dealing with this end of the spectrum versus couples who remain strictly online, I think the couples who remain online are solely looking for someone to talk to outside of their social circles. Sometimes it's nice to be able to "vent" about our lives to people who really don't have any weight on our personal matters whatsoever, but at the same time, I don't think I would want to do that. I think it's pretty creepy to spill your inner most thoughts to someone who you've never met in person, because no matter how much you may think you trust someone, like Alexis said about Craig, you never truly know who they are until you meet them in person (that's my opinion, feel free to disagree). A person can be whoever he or she wants to be while behind the invisible walls of the internet...but I am getting off topic. The other end of the spectrum, Alexis' end deals with true loving companionship. While yes, it was great that she found someone who she connected with so well, I just don't think you can trust that as real love and believe that the other person whom you can't see actually feels the same way.